Humor, Pondering and Wandering

If this is Grape Nuts, it must be Thursday

A sure-fire plan for keeping the days of your week straight.

By Gary Dickson, Editor, Siouxland Observer

Here they are, my weekly cereal choices, standing at attention in the kitchen pantry like cardboard soldiers ready to go to battle to help me keep my days straight and my life in order. Please note that I don’t have them placed in order of the days of the week. What do you think I am — obsessive-compulsive? — Photo by Gary Dickson.

The late, great singer-songwriter John Prine wrote that he tried to stare down a bowl of oatmeal — and lost. I try to stare down an entire shelf full of different kinds of cereal each and every day. I usually win. But sometimes I lose.

And for the record, I don’t care much for oatmeal, so it doesn’t get any consideration here, except in its connection to John Prine, who I miss, a lot.

Anyway, I need my cereal. Why? Because it helps me keep the days of the week straight.

No, I don’t hear any voices coming from the cereal boxes saying, “Good morning, Gary. I’m Wheat Chex. Remember, today is Tuesday. Wheat Chex is for Tuesdays. And don’t forget to sprinkle some Bran Buds on top, too.”

Of course, it would be nice, if the cereal boxes spoke to me. It certainly would make everything easier you know. But they don’t. So I have to think a little bit about the following:

A. What day it might be.

B. What cereal goes with that day.

C. What cereal I had the day before. Thinking about this helps me to not make mistakes and eat the wrong cereal and get out of order.

So, this morning when I had my cereal stare down, I realized that yesterday I had Special K Vanilla and Almond, one of my favorites. I like it so well that I’ll sometimes eat it twice a week if I’m out of another cereal. And since that was what I had, and that I wasn’t out of any other cereal, I knew yesterday was Wednesday.

Today must be Thursday, because here is a box of Grape Nuts on the counter. — Photo by Gary Dickson.

So today must be Thursday! And on Thursdays, I eat Grape Nuts with quite a bit of Bran Buds mixed in. That gives me a lot of fiber for breakfast. It helps me do what must be done that day — especially if I have some fruit along with the cereal if you know what I mean. Although I don’t like Grape Nuts that well, I eat them anyway. I like it better than oatmeal.

And I try to stay away from the really sugary cereals like Frosted Flakes and stuff, even though I really, really like them. I used to have a box of Frosted Flakes in the cupboard to have every now and then, but they were too much of a temptation. Sigh. Sometimes getting old really sucks!

I’ll bet you’re wondering what my cereal assignments are, right? Glad you asked. You may want to write these down, especially if you’re day-of-the-week-challenged like I am.

  • Monday — Raisin Bran (with a few Bran Buds);
  • Tuesday — Wheat Chex (with a few more Bran Buds);
  • Wednesday — Special K Vanilla and Almond;
  • Thursday — Grape Nuts (With a bunch of Bran Buds);
  • Friday — Great Grains Raisins, Dates, & Pecans;
  • Saturday — Cascadian Farm Granola;
  • Sunday — Wheaties.

One of the things that throw me off is when we run out of one kind of cereal, and then I have to improvise using the Special K or Raisin Bran. But it is a Real Bad Deal when I run out of one or both of those two backup cereals. It can make my day go all higledy-pigledy.

Why just yesterday I finished off the last of the Special K Vanilla and Almond cereal (Wednesday’s standard). Even though I knew I had six days to replenish my supply, I thought I’d better pick up a box of it at Hy-Vee as well as some milk, bottled water and bananas, too. As I was heading down the cereal aisle I passed a couple heading the other way. The woman told the man to turn around and pick up some Kellog’s Special K Vanilla and Almond cereal as they were out at home.

By then I was in front of the display. I looked it over and found only one box of the now much-in-demand Special K Vanilla and Almond cereal on the shelf, which I quickly snatched with my hands and pulled close to my body. I walked back to my grocery cart and heard the guy swear out loud. I spun around, still holding the cereal in my hands, crouched down like a wrestler with a grimace on my face. The other fellow, who was about six inches taller than me was sort of crouched down, too, and for a minute I thought he was going to take a run at me and my precious box of Special K Vanilla and Almond cereal.

It was going to be Cerealgeddon 1 right there in Aisle 7.

But I noticed a stock boy behind the sore loser pulling out damaged products and placing them in a cart. He had started eyeing us nervously. So I stood up quickly, pointed and said, “Oh, look! There’s a young man with a helpful smile. I’ll bet he’ll run into the back room and see if there are any more boxes of that stuff back there.”

The kid said he’d be happy to trot on back to the storeroom and see if there was any more cereal. The big guy looked at the stock boy and smiled. Then he looked at me and smiled. And I looked at him and smiled. And he said, “Sure, would you please?” So, I pushed my cart down the aisle at a rapid clip to the self-checkout lanes and split with my box of cereal intact.

Some days are like that. But if you’re serious about having cereal as a day reminder… well, these are some of the stumbling blocks you might encounter.

And sometimes, just once in a while, Nancy, my long-suffering spouse, will borrow some of my cereal.

She says it’s all innocent and everything. I say, WHO’S THE THIEF, NOW, NANCY? Anyway, being short of my cereal supply makes me kind of twitchy and jumpy. Know what I mean?

Don’t judge me!

I’ll bet you do some weird shit too, Buckaroo. Especially if you’ve gotten to be as old as I have, which is 70. I’ve known people who have shoes for each day of the week. Socks and underwear, too.

But not me, no siree. How about you guys that have your shop tools all lined up by size on the wall in your garage with their outlines drawn around them, huh? And does anyone out there have your shirts lined up by type and color in your closet?

Yeah, don’t go pointing the finger at me you OCD wackos.

Well, it’s been nice giving you this peek inside my daily routine my friends. If you ever need to know what day it is, just drop me a line. I’ll be happy to let you know the day and the cereal.

Gary Dickson is the publisher and editor of the Siouxland Observer. He lives in Dakota Dunes, S.D. with his earlier-mentioned long-suffering wife Nancy, and their 5-and-a-half-year-old cat, Willie, whose eyes you see at the top of the home page. Gary was a licensed mental health counselor in Texas, South Dakota, Iowa and Nebraska for more than 25 years. He also has been an award-winning weekly newspaper editor, reporter and photographer in South Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska and Iowa.

He started Siouxland Observer because he realized the local newspapers weren’t going to the local city and county government meetings and were instead writing stories from the meeting minutes. Gary believes that public meetings aren’t really public unless someone from the press shows up to write about it. Writing stories from local governmental bodies’ meeting minutes is nothing but pure laziness and shabby journalism.

There currently is no charge for subscriptions to the Siouxland Observer, nor is there any advertising. We try to originate our own stories as much as possible, but we also bring in news, features and commentary from several different high-quality regional news services. These include the Iowa Capital Dispatch, the South Dakota Searchlight, the South Dakota News Watch and others.

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